Thyre Retloc

[aya]

Interesting, interesting, but there are some points I would like to single out.

A quickie to start off with. "Standing" doesn't necessary mean popularity. It is a status or social rank such as "Viking" or "Viking-in-Training." Or should your character have an occupation. But since she's 13, I wouldn't worry about anything further than Viking-in-Training, or possibly(I'm not too sure) former-Deserter? Or both? xD And I'm curious about the nickname.

There can be definite expansion on personality. Many Vikings are "daring" and "fearless" however what is Thyre's take of these traits? How does she treat other people(peers, elders, etc.)?

Also, just a tip, do be careful how you chose your adjectives. Or at least how they are worded up to it. "Beautiful," when used in a biography to describe a character, can mean many things depending on the person. Instead of this, perhaps you can further describe her features? Not that I'm expecting a lengthy and wordy novel just for her appearance, but enough to get what YOU intended.

History can be expanded, although I realize it sums it up. Maybe describe all--not all, all--she encountered after leaving Berk?

Last one, her weapon. I hate to be wrong about this but I need to ask. A sword made of silver? Or silver appearing? Another doozy with adjectives~ ^w^

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[lethoniel]

Woops! Sorry... I'm kind of new to this type of roleplaying. *Nervous laugh* I'll work on those points though. Thanks for the tips!

[ABYSS]

Okay, I have a few notes about your app


LIKES/DISLIKES/STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES/FEARS/AMBITIONS/SECRETS

• How can she like flying if she's never been on a dragon?
  
• How can a strength be a great flier if she's never been on a dragon?
  
• The fear of falling from her dragon is plausible, but it would be moreso if she's been on a dragon before. I would like to either see a different fear, or fifth one, please.
  
• You need a second secret.

PERSONALITY

• I'd like at least two sentences of an expansion on each bullet of her personality (adventurous, surviving on her own, hate for showing weakness, etc...) and also, she hasnt ridden a dragon, so how can she love the thrill of soaring through the air?

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

• Please expand a bit on the physical description. You hit all the main points of a physical description, but I would like to see an elaboration on it. Add at least four sentances.

HISTORY

• Please elaborate a bit on her history. Also, age seven is very young to go out on her own. I would say at least twelve, because at seven people are still rather dependent on their parent(s). If she were out on her own at seven, chances are some dragon or predator would have tried to go after her, or successfully go after her (very dog-eat-dog world, as it were). Also, if she were born in the village, she would more likely than not been taken in by another family of the village. To be an Outsider, she wouldve had to be born outside of Berk.

PARENTS, FRIENDS, OTHER FAMILY

• Please give the names of her friends. (they can be made up, no worries )

Also, I noted in the application that she wants to go after a Night Fury.

This application would need a good bit of sprucing up for me to accept this character claiming a Night Fury at one point. Also, be sure to note Aya's tips on grammar and spelling ^^

Great start though!

[lethoniel]

Okay, thanks! ...And I didn't really think about her never riding a dragon before.

[aya]

Uhh... Asther also requested an expansion of the description, personality, and history and there wasn't an alteration to such areas.

"Flying" is still a Like on her biography, though she hasn't ridden a dragon before. Perhaps flying should be placed in the Ambitions area, as it certainly seems she would be eager to do so.

Also, Asther said that an Outcast isn't born within the village. So a change in her Standing would be recommended.

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[lethoniel]

Ehh... I don't know if I should just ditch this character and create a new one... Any support on that part?

[ABYSS]

Truly, thats up to you...